Love or Fate
by shinigamifan
Summary: An accident takes a life. How will the victim’s lover cope? This sounds rubbish but please read it its better than it sounds- I think. Warnings: DEATH FIC, Yaoi implied and a little oocness.


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Title: Love or Fate

**One shot**

**Author**: scottylass

**Warnings**: Yaoi, DEATH FIC, characters a little ooc

**Disclaime**r: I do not own the lovely boys I mean would I be writing this if I did? No I would be making some very interesting episodes :)

**Summary**: An accident takes a life. How will the victim's lover cope? This sounds rubbish but please read it its better than it sounds- I think.

**Authors notes: **I never thought that I'd write a death fic but I read one recently and I haven't been able to get this out of my head. It may not be as good as others but please read chibi eyes Please. Oh and forgive me for killing who I do, it was hard for me to write ya know. Thank you and don't forget to review (no nasties please but constructive criticism accepted). Before anyone says anything it is meant to be written in short sentences and slightly erratic.

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I didn't believe it when I was told; I thought it was all a nightmare, I tried to deny it but unluckily for me it wasn't a nightmare and it really did happen. I blame myself, after all it shouldn't have been him, it should have been me. I should have driven that night like I always did but no I decided to let him drive because I was too tired; it's all my fault. They told me he didn't die in pain and that the last thing he said was for them to tell me that he would always love me, what hurt the most was the fact that I was unconscious when he died and I couldn't be with him. The thing no one else knew was that his worst fear was to die alone and I had failed him, I wasn't with him when he died, he died alone. I had always thought that we pilots would die in the heat of battle so when the wars ended and we were still alive it shocked me. All five of us decided to join the Preventers and it was around this time that he told me he loved me, I was so happy because I had loved him ever since the first time I laid eyes on him and of course we ended up together. When we told the others they were all shocked because they thought that we were the most unlikeliest of couples, but if you looked closely you could have seen how it wasn't unlikely at all and how much we were actually alike each other, so you probably would have seen it coming. Everyone eventually got used to the idea of us and they always commented on how we were right for each other and how we made each other complete. They said that our futures would be bright and happy together but how wrong they were.

When I woke up after the accident I was at the hospital and had just come out from surgery. It was then that they told me about him and that wasn't all I also received another life changing piece of information then too but I'll leave that for now as only I know about it. The time will come when everyone shall find out about it though. I'm sitting in my apartment right now with his picture beside me as always. When I'm like this I sometimes forget he's dead but then memories of the accident flood me and I'm tossed violently back to reality.

_flashback_

"Hey can I drive for a change?" I looked at my lover and I knew I couldn't resist that look for long

"Yeah, sure no problem, it will give me a break for a change." My lover just smiled and kissed my forehead, (I love it when he does things like this), before taking the car keys. We get in the car and begin our journey home and I'm actually quite happy that my lover is driving for a change; it means I can catch up on some sleep. I look over at him driving and catch him looking at me out the corner of his eye. I winked

"Keep your eyes on the road please. I'm going for a nap, I'm soooo tired so wake me up if anything exciting happens ok?" He smiles and nods so I curl up in the passenger seat and drift off into some much needed sleep. The next thing I know I'm roughly awakened by the jerking of the car and the screeching of tyres. I look at my love for reassurance but he's busy concentrating, trying to get the car under control. That's when it happened; we went careering of the road and into a forest. I looked at my love again and saw him looking at me. He smiled and mouthed the words 'I love you' and it seemed to me with that one smile he knew he didn't have a chance but I mouthed the words back and gave him an encouraging loving smile of my own. The next thing I know the car hits a tree and the darkness engulfs me.

_end flashback_

That last smile he gave me is forever etched into my memory and I will never forget it for as long as I live. I remember waking up briefly in the ambulance after the accident and shouting for him but he never came. I was told about his death when I came out of surgery and if that wasn't bad enough they also told me that I was dying. Yeah I know I'm still alive now but let me fill you in. I was told on that fateful day that I had cancer and that there was nothing they could do for me because it was in its late stage. They informed me that they could give me chemotherapy, which would prolong my life. I was very tempted to take up the offer but I didn't want to be a burden on the others and I remembered that your hair fell out. I'm not vain or anything but I love my hair and my love always told me how much he liked it so I decided against chemotherapy. The other pilots came to see me not long after the doctor left and they didn't know about the cancer so I decided it would be best not to tell them, after all I didn't want to make them worry anymore than they already were. It was then that I found out exactly how my love died. I begged the others to tell me and eventually they did. My love had died because the driver's side of the car was crushed and the reason that I hadn't died was because my love had managed to steer the car so that it would hit the driver's side instead of the passenger's side. I remember crying at that moment- for the first time in a long time because once again someone I loved had been taken away from me. What I find amusing is the fact that if that accident hadn't have happened then I never would have found out that I had cancer because I never went to the doctors or a hospital.

The weeks following the accident were hard for me. I attended my loves funeral and I almost collapsed in grief but I managed to hold myself together. I tried to get back to a normal life but I just couldn't do it. The others were always coming to visit me and I could see the worry in their eyes, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. I still hadn't told anyone about the cancer but I decided that was best and so I wouldn't tell them, it would cause them too much worry. As the weeks passed I slowly became weaker and weaker, so I stayed at home more often than not, which I hated because I'm an energetic, outdoors type of person. The others obviously noticed my decline and began coming round as often as they could and I did enjoy the company but sometimes I felt like I was being smothered, so I decided to talk with them. I sat them down and told them I was just feeling a little down from lack of sleep, which wasn't a total lie because I wasn't sleeping very well because of the pain, so it was more a twist of the truth. I asked them if they could back off a bit so that I could have some time alone and they reluctantly agreed. It has been two months since I had that talk and so here I am sitting in my apartment alone, writing in my journal.

They say if you have a life threatening disease you will know when your time to die is because you can feel it. Well with that in mind I have a feeling I won't last the night; I can feel it in my heart of hearts. I guess that could be why I'm reliving the past few months in my memory. I don't want to leave the others in the dark so I have written letters for them all explaining everything; they can even read this journal if they like and I just want them all to know it wasn't their fault. Hopefully they will all forgive me for not telling them. I just have to get this last letter written now and then I think I'll go to my bed, it looks very inviting right now. Great the letter is done, now I can go lie in bed.

changes point of view

The boy slowly lay down in his bed, pulled the covers up to his chest and shut his eyes. He clutched a small wooden frame to his chest. A picture of a Japanese boy with chocolate brown hair smiled out at him from the photograph. The boy in bed turned over and wrapped his long braid around himself for comfort. He had a strange feeling in his chest but he wasn't worried about it and slowly he drifted off into a sleep he would never wake from. The last words to come from his small mouth were a whispered 'I love you Hee-Chan'.

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NEXT DAY

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei walked slowly to Duo's house. They were going for a visit today; they had to do this often now because since Heero's death Duo had secluded himself in his house and hardly ever came out. None of them spoke on the way because they all had a lot on their mind. They were all worried about Duo's health because in the past few weeks he had been getting weaker and weaker and he wouldn't tell them what the cause of it was. So today they were going to have a chat with him about it. Quatre was first to step up to Duo's door so he knocked, there was no reply so he knocked again. When no one answered he turned around to look at Wufei and Trowa for advice, but they too looked a bit worried.

"Trowa what should I do? Duo has never taken this long to answer before I'm really worried." Quatre said to Trowa worriedly

"Well knock again and if he doesn't answer we'll find another way in ok?" Quatre nodded and knocked on the door again, he waited for a couple of minutes and when there was no answer Wufei spoke up

"Stand aside I'm going to break the door down!" Quatre and Trowa stepped aside and the next thing they knew Wufei was charging towards the door like a raging bull. He ran straight into the door and the two of them heard the splintering of wood before Wufei fell in. Immediately Quatre rushed in looking around the lounge and when he couldn't see Duo he thought that maybe he was still asleep and that's why he hadn't answered, so he made his way towards Duo's room. He opened the door and the first thing he saw was Duo on the bed with a small serene smile on his face and a picture of Heero clutched to his chest and various sheets of paper lying on his bedside table. He walked forwards about to wake Duo up when he realised Duo wasn't breathing.

"Wufei, Trowa get in here NOW!" Wufei and Trowa came running into the room and when they spotted Duo they both gasped. Trowa walked over to the bed and felt Duo for a pulse

"He has no pulse and he's cold so I think he's been dead for a while." His voice choked before he could continue

"There is nothing we can do but call for an ambulance." Trowa heard Quatre sobbing and went over to comfort him while Wufei called the ambulance. When Wufei came back he saw the slips of paper and picked them up realising that each had a name on it. He gave Trowa and Quatre theirs and they each opened it up and read it. The letters were from Duo and all of them were basically the same. They explained about Duo having cancer and everything that had happened. In their letters he had said they could have his journal and that it might explain some things for them and it ended by asking their forgiveness. Besides this Duo had added a personal note to each of them depending on which pilot it was. When Quatre had finished he began sobbing and even Trowa and Wufei became teary eyed. Quatre let a part of his letter drop and the note slowly drifted to the floor landing face up so that everyone could see the small little thing written down at the bottom of it:

_They say anything can happen if you love someone enough. _

_If it's true then I wonder what fate is, wouldn't it be the same_

_Thing? Maybe that's why I got cancer, it was fate and I was _

_Fated to be with Heero no matter where we are._

Trowa comforted Quatre and was surprised when Wufei spoke

"At least Duo is happy with Heero now, wherever he is. He got what he wanted and I'm sure he wouldn't want us to cry over it. I know it's hard but let's try and be strong. Quatre gave a weak smile and kissed Duo's forehead saying goodbye.

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AN: okay how was it? I apologise if it's bad I just had to write this up, the idea wouldn't leave me alone until I did. Please review, pretty pretty please chibi eyes 


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